Troubled Domestic Goddess

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My back is still bothering me, and its still screwing with everything.  It hurts and I’m getting cranky.  I have near constant headaches due to this stupid nerve, and if I thought I could get away with one less nerve in my back (and could actually reach said nerve) it would be gone.

I have come to a decision lately, and that is that I’m living my life my way, and I really just don’t care what anyone else says or thinks anymore.  I’ve listened to everyone all my life, and I’m done.  All its ever done was make me miserable.

Part of what brought this on was the fact that I am really, really angry at myself.  I feel like I failed.  I’m not the woman I wanted to be at 26, I’m not the mother, I’m not anything.  I’ve listened to others, done the “right thing”, let honor, duty and responsibility rule my life.  Well no more.  Society can be damned too.  I’m the only one who can fix the issues I have, and the only one who can stop being angry at myself.  I’m the only person I have to deal with day in and day out, so what I say now goes.

I’m doing the best I can with what I have.  Society needs to allow mother to be a viable job, seriously.  That IS my job, and I get to be daddy as well.  There’s two full time jobs.  Then housekeeper, cook…no wonder the pressure is starting to get to me.  I’m it, for better or worse, and I’m doing the best I can.  Unfortunately for my ex, I just got a child support order in the mail.  Now I have to warn him, and forward the stupid thing to him.  Oh well, I can’t coddle him anymore.  Signed up for unemployment too, just to tide me over a bit and help out.  I have $10 to my name and bills to pay.  I hate being broke.  I hate welfare.  I hate it all.  This isn’t where I wanted to be…so its my task to change it.

One step at a time…